[DL-M]: To forgive...
by
Norman Lee <n-lee5@uiuc.edu>
RPG
Being released from the Med Center was actually a relief for
Kendal. His attention span was never very good and being couped up in a
Hospital was like being in prison. He wanted to fly and be free and in
this he was glad to be released.
Walking down the hall to Z'lec's room, he had hoped to see how Ailill
was doing before getting his assignment. Slowly he pushed open the door
to see her still in her medical gown and slippers, sitting beside Z'lec
in silence. He had heard from the nurses that she was suppose to be in
bed and unable to talk.
"Ailill." He quietly spoke out. She had no reaction. She simply sat
there with her eyes closed, leaning toward Z'lec.
He moved in closer and quietly so as not to disturb her. Gently he
placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Ailill."
Sort of abruptly she turned toward him, almost surprised by his
presence. She had not noticed him entering the room.
"Kendal." She spoke in a raspy sounding voice.
"Please don't talk Ailill, I just wanted to stop by and see how you are
doing. I'm glad that you're alive."
He knelt down to the floor, bowing his head over her legs.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry Ailill. I can't bare the fact of
seeing you hurt because of me. This is the second time I risked your
life on some fool hardy adventure. My own life I don't care about, but
I could never forgive myself if I lost you. Please forgive me."
He spoke from his heart and nearly brought himself to tears. He knew
deep down that he loved this girl, but he could never grow too close
without fear of hurting her. His spirit was wild and he loved
adventure, but to involve another person he cared about he could never
do. If only he could tell her how he truly felt. Those few and simple
words he could never say.
She reached out with her arms, wrapping them around his neck. Hugging
him so tightly that she wanted never to let him go. Her mother once
told her that a man would heap everything on their own shoulders. If
you let them they would take the blame for everything. She said you had
to beat it into their heads that you could stand on your own.
Eventually, she did let go, she push him back and met his gaze.
"Listen to me," she whispered. He attempted to stop her from speaking by
pressing his fingers to her lips but she pushed his hand away. "Listen
to me," She repeated, firmer this time. She spoke slowly, so that he
would be sure to hear her. "I am not a child. I take full
responsibility for my actions. You did not make me go out there with
you. I _chose_ to go after you. I will forgive you Kendal, but not for
my injuries, those were my own doing. I will forgive you taking
responsibility for my injuries. I will forgive you for underestimating
me, Gods man, do you really think that I could just let you die out
there? How do you think that would make _me_ feel?" She was both
angry and touched.
She shook her head. I can see in your eyes Kendal that you don't
believe me. You still blame yourself don't you? "
He lowered his head into her lap. "You would have never been in danger
if you hadn't been chasing after me, Ailill."
"So what do you want to do, leave, run away? That is the only way you
can stop me for helping you Kendal. Even then you could not stop me
from worrying. You said that you would never forgive yourself if yo
lost me, well I would never forgive myself if you needed someone, and I
was not their to help you."
Her voice softened. "You're human Kendal, and your not alone anymore.
Whether you like it or not you are stuck with me. And it will take more
than a forest fire, and a couple of wild dragons to get rid of me." Her
eye's glinted with mischief. "As a matter of fact, I kinda like being
the hero. The galant maiden rushing to the aid of her
Dragonrider-in-distress." She became more serious. Lowering her voice.
"I'm no milksop Kendal. I will not sit by while my friends need me. If
you want to be with me you will have to accept that. Because I will not
change, and I think that if you look carefully, you would not want me to
change. I can't see you spending time with someone who's favorite
pastime was sitting on her butt sewing, and waiting for her man to
return. I have a job to do Kendal. I'm a dragonrider, and if there is
one thing I have learned in the past year it's that dragonriders are a
family."
She lifted his head out of her lap and forced him to meet her eyes,
"With a dragon you are never alone. You will always have a family. You
need to think about that for a while Kendal. _You_are_not_alone_. "
He didn't know what to say. She was right. He was no longer alone with
no one to depend on except Ainu. Getting accustomed to life in Marrid
would not be easy for him, but he was willing to try. Ainu was his
family and this warren was his family now. He had to remember that. But
Ailill was special to him and he could never stop worrying about her.
Looking into her eyes made her point as clear as day. She was a strong
and determined woman. Probably one of the reasons he is attracted to her
so much.
"I have to go Ailill, I'm suppose to meet Waylene in a bit."
Slowly he grabbed her hand that was on his cheek and pulled it down to her
lap. She looked at him with a seriousness about her. She knew that he
still blamed himself. Men had such a hard head sometimes.
"Kendal."
"I'll talk to you later Ailill. Get well."
With that he arose from his knees and walked toward the door. He
was about to step out when he stopped and turned back to see Ailill
watching him go.
"I love you Ailill."
With those words pouring out from his lips,
quickly he left the room. It was easier to fight a dozen wild dragons,
and a horde of wraiths at once than to say those few words. But he needed
to say them and he did. He was now more afriad of her reponse than the
words themselves.
"I know Kendal, I know." She whispered it out, with Kendal
already out of ear shot.
NRPG
Thank you Katherine for helping me write this.
Just a little character emotional development. Kendal is still a loner
but he's warming up to the warren. and Ailill. :)
Norman Lee
Kendal Florimar and Ainu the Navy blue dragon.
Return to Posts for Feb 1998